Well today is nice. Trying to feel more better and thankfully I was refreshed today again. It’s Sunday and church really helps me a lot to gradually bring me back to my senses and somehow boost me up to face another week again. Everyday for me is trying times and I am grateful how God still really on the work with me though He knows how I look miserable like almost everyday. Still I am blessed and grateful because i know He knows what I am dealing with. I am very sorry for Him for my actions because I know I hurt Him. But the hope I have for keep on going is that He knows It’s hard and He knows I’m trying.
I am sorry if I delayed one day of posting a Photo blog. Well actually I don’t even have a good photo taken because last Friday night till morning of yesterday (Or just literally the whole day of yesterday) I had a severe depressive episode and anxiety attack, its one of the worst that cause me to not having the interest or the desire of taking even a single photo. I just made this photo today for the sake of having a featured image of this blog. It was an episode again when I came on the point that I hope I don’t wake up anymore but thankfully I am still alive and kicking. I was very on a low state. It is so painful that i don’t know if I still have ability to endure it. I am sorry that’s maybe all I can say. It’s hard for me to talk about it more. But if you experience the same thing, I know you know what I mean and I just want to say that yeah I feel it too and It’s sucks. But I know we can do this. Lets live. Keep ourselves alive. You matter, We matter. We are meant to be loved and to feel love. Let’s keep on surviving. Keep Going. We are Worthy.
Today, I learned a lot.
It is not a busy day in the office, just like what I have said in my previous blog, my mind is always on a multitasking thinking mode, I can work while thinking random things that just comes out to my mind. I’m quite busy this morning but after lunch break, workloads cease for a while. During my free time at work I usually read articles and blogs. And this day I have read some amazing articles that really boost me up and one of those really got me. Actually I’m often on a low state but somehow I am learning to manage my moods. I been struggling for so long with symptoms of depression, though I am not officially clinically diagnose with it I know I’m facing it. This article helps me a lot to freshen up and see life again on a great perspective. The article is “50 Ways Happier, Healthier, And More Successful People Live On Their Own Terms” written by
Benjamin P. Hardy. I am refreshed and inspired when I read this. I learned the value of Self-care which is improving more of me and give more by thinking less me for the benefit of other people.
If you like to know about it,I recommend it and go read it to yourself, here’s the link
I have a lot of work loads today, as a matter of fact I don’t have a hang time compare to the past days. I do not know what I am feeling today but I simply just did my job, I just survive this day. I knew I am tired, and have urges again for the possibilities of having an episode of depression but it’s not that bad because the urge is not that intense. But today is a mere “meh” for me. I have this kind of thinking where there are just some times that I know that I exist but for the other people I think they can really live without me. I can’t see sometimes any importance of myself to other people. It is like they are fine with or without me. I know maybe it’s kind a sound of being self centered but I think it’s not really like that. I just think of it somehow a reality in my thinking. I am not really in need. I just think that they can really go on with life without me.
Though that there is a routine of doing things during weekdays. I always believe that everyday is different and at least at some point it is has a good thing in it. Whenever I am in the office my mind is like in multitasking of thinking mode. I think just everything in random at the same time doing work. Today, I thought about how far I’ve already been through in my life. I realize I already done and surpass with the things that I was just thinking before like being in school. I recall doing thesis in college, memorizing and learning lessons on books, the feeling of being nervous whenever there is a graded recitation, sacrificing sleep to get some plates done, and so on. But one thing that matters to me is that doing this things with my college friends is still the best. We exprience it together, we endure the pain together, we knew how to make everything work out together, even eating lunch and cramming together. The bond that I know and I miss it. I also miss those people especially my closest ones. After a while when my day at work ended today, I receive a message from my college best friend saying “Imisshuuu”. I can’t help but to smile and like all of my weary on this day dissappears like a snap. I miss them. I miss my best friend. I miss being with them. All that fun and simple but meaningful bonding. I miss it. I know things will never be the same again no matter how I wish that it won’t. I know people will change, time for us will be limited and we have our own set of priorities as time goes by. I am scared actually but I need to face it. Maybe the least that I can do to them is no matter what happens I know to myself that I will always be there for them. I will never forget
Today here in the Philippines celabrates the feast of the Black Nazarene. This is on every news this morning. It is a Catholic Tradition of Devotion to the Relic. Well I am not going to further elaborate about this one for those who might read this that didn’t know but I encourage you to research about it and understand it on your own. But I just want to point out something. As some of you may know that here in the Philippines, the majority of beliefs is about Christianity and It is compose of different denominations such as Roman Catholic which has the large number of population, then Born Again Christians,Protestants, Iglesia ni Cristo and so on the rest of some different Christian Groups. Muslims holds ten percent of the population which makes it the second largest religion in our country. And every year since we have different kind of traditions and beliefs of each religious group and since Filipinos are very active when it comes to social media. Outrage of Opinions, statements and arguments blows out about this event which only leads to more hostile conversations and just lost of respect with each other. Composing Facebook status or tweets just to expound that they are better than everyone else. Ever since then I always hope that we should not be entitled ourselves as a better or smarter person just because we are part of not only in a certain religious group but as well as in political party, local organizations and even Fandoms. We have to understand that though there are some common things that we are agreeing with, still we are different human beings with different perceptions of our reality. Instead of being triggered on whatever you are disagreeing with, learn how to just respect. A simple respect. That’s it.
Today starts again the Typical Monday for every Filipinos. The comeback reality of working days. This morning, I took this photo and I know as an everyday commuter I witness a lot of this and I can really relate of this kind of situation and it is kind of funny when people are like in this kind of a zombie survival movie while every bus that comes is like their last chance of survival. A typical working Filipino like me spend maximum of 6 hours a DAY on the road plus the 8 hours require working hours plus some overtime 5 to 6 days a week or for others it’s just everyday and really it is exhausting. I remember a saying in one of the street art in Makati (The place where I work) saying “NEVER GET SO BUSY MAKING A LIVING THAT YOU FORGET TO MAKE A LIFE”
It’s the first Sunday of the year. I took this photo right after I went to church and I just recently discover this place nearby and it is nice. The colors and those simple cute structures just make you feel like a kid again. It is good sometimes to reminisce those days when we are this kind of small human being. Those times where we are just simply enjoying the moment we have with our playgrounds and playmates. The particular stage in our life where we don’t really think about a lot of things, about our past or our future. It is the present moment that we have and the mentality of making the most of our day to just have fun. Right now, I’m currently into adulthood stage. For some who can relate, we think more of our future and always reassessing our past that we are so consumed about it, experience a lot of emotions and forgot how to lighten up and enjoy life even once in a while. I think we must remember how that it feels.
I love to commute especialy when I ride on different public vehicles. I don’t know how to explain it but, I think I am more connected with my sorroundings and with the people around. It gives me sense and more appreciative of everyday life and see how to enjoy little things of the moment, that is why I love capturing something on the road. Today, I travel again to see my best friend. Nothing more but just a meaningful conversation and a good takoyaki food. I love this kind of a day. I am more of my self and I know I am living in the moment. I am blessed.
The first weekdays of the first month of 2018 is done. And It’s friday weekend. Unlike yesterday, the morning sun shines so bright today. It somehow helps to lighten me up. My mental state is quite better than yesterday and I was able to handle those usual urges. This day is just fine. Just fine. I always feel relief whenever I know that It’s already friday. I know I can have a break and just have the time to spend it on my own way. Thank You God! Though It was a though week, I survive again anyway.